Times went on and came in Kosova. In the past years I always felt people were always happy because I saw a smile in their faces. I was going to school in the p.m. schedule and I was seeing those other students going in a normal schedule and speaking another language. I was asking myself why can’t I go to school during the day, I couldn’t get an answer, maybe I was young, & couldn’t understand what was going on. My teachers and my parents were only giving me hope, telling me no matter what I should study hard to achieve my goals & giving me courage for a better life.
I just didn’t know that people who expelled my parents from work, the people who closed my school, the people who started to kill innocent people, who were giving attitudes & cursing at me because I was Albanian, were actually my enemies. I didn’t know that they were killing my childhood. Since that day I remember living in Kosova, in my memory I still keep the faces of police, what kind of police were they? Where did they come from? I remember the stories my parents taught me that long ago we had our rights and there were Albanian police officers, but I’d seen none. All these years I lived in Kosova, even though before the war I never felt any kindness from these police, I never saw them smiling at me! I never heard them say any good word to me. All of these things missed in my 13 years and this made me feel that they don’t like me, that they hate my family, my nation, my culture…but why? I still couldn’t understand.
Later on, I started realizing that the smiles on my parents’ faces and the others were actually fake, I started to feel their pain deep inside. I was seeing their suffer. Now I understand why people left Kosova long ago, because they needed support and because most of them were kicked out of their jobs. All the questions that were only enigma to me I found in the past 3 years, when actually the war began. I even found out the most important question which was why didn’t my dad leave Kosova 10 years ago when Serbian forces expelled him and all the other Albanians from their jobs. And the answer is very simple and touching, because my dad loved his country, was born there & they wanted to raise me there too. So my parents were supposed to find other jobs that didn’t have anything to do with the government, which was actually taken by regime of Belgrade authorities. But they were happy with what they had, and because they were living in their motherland, and because they knew they were somebody, where everyone knew them.
The years of ’98 & ’99 which I call the blood years, the war started in Kosova. In the history of my nation, I did learn about a lot of wars between Serbians and Albanians, about bloody battles…And I question myself. How come the Serbians never had enough of the Albanians blood? Do they happen to be Blood suckers? No, no I don’t understand this. How can they have that kind of angry soul where they can humiliate human beings? Because I was living in Prishtina (Capitol City) the big violence didn’t come in the beginning, Serbians military and paramilitary forces were busy into villages & other cities doing massacre to women, children, older people, people my age, pregnant women…, the focus of studying just fell down, in the minds of everybody was the focus of what was going on, everyday & I was seeing myself in the streets of Prishtina protesting against the violence. There were times in a lot of danger, the Serbian police with their guns & weapons as always were gathering the protest & forcing to stop the protest by using tear gas, hitting people with cars, by torturing politician, and innocent people. All of this was going on the eyes of the world. My relatives in the parts of Gjakova City & Peja were already expelled out of their homes, in the beginning of ’99, which was the most tragic thing for them. A deep pain had gone all over me & my eyes were just wet by the tears that were falling on my cheek every single day. Maybe I am just a tender or affectionate person because I felt that these innocent people that were dying were only victims of crime that existed in Kosova.
I never believed that the stories that I herd in the news, tv, from my relatives
how Serbian forces with their masks on, or their face colored would actually
arrive to my house too, and expel me & my family. After going through 10
days during the NATO bombing, which were the tragic moments ever, In these days
Serbians knew they they’ll be leaving soon, so their violence grew more
by doing horror into whoever passed by, nobody could ever go outside anymore,
we had no lights, heat, in order to create panic in Albanian society in Prishtina,
Serbians were traveling with armoured cars and different kinds of guns, during
the day we were hearing shots from Serbians & during the night, shots from
NATO. We just knew we were stuck in Kosova, & now no matter what we couldn’t
get out. When first NATO bombarded we were so happy because we thought that
finally this war will stop, and we’ll get rid of those scary Serbian military
& paramilitary police, but that wasn’t it the things were goin much
worse, we understood that it would go a long time until Milosevic surrenders.
These days were so boring, so panicked and a lot of scariness. In April 1st,
1999 was the last day, when me & my family said goodbye to Kosova, a goodbye
with out tears on our face, a goodbye that we were forced to leave. 3:00 o’clock
that day while I was looking outside of the window, I see my neighbors packing
& leaving immediately, they told us that the Serbian military & paramilitary
forces are just into another block, we left right away, even though we left
the door open, and we forget to take our clothes we’ve packed. We made
our way to the train station with thousands of people. We couldn’t get
on the train til 8:00 pm because of the crowd. Everybody was scared what may
happen? The Serbian police was gathering us with their cars, guns & weapons,
in their uniform you could see the sign that was saying. Even though everyone
was taking the train, no one knew exactly where it was going. There was panic
all over. When finally, we took the train, we thought that we could be safe
where we get out of Kosova. Then we traveled to Macedonia, I and my family were
lucky enough not to stay at the refugee camp, a friend of my dad saw us and
took us at his house in Macedonia. After staying there for 2 months we came
to U.S.A in New York, everything was new & difficult for us in the beginning
but I did meet a very friendly lady since I came, that helped us a lot by finding
schools for us and for everything I needed she was there for me. Now I have
almost 2 years here and I attend Lehman High School.